CSI Miami: A Fuelish Episode

Last night’s episode of CSI Miami, “Won’t Get Fueled Again” was just another insult in a long line of insults to the viewers’ intelligence.

The episode starts with a man burning to death at a beach party, which turns to a gas theft ring, and morphs into a human trafficking ring.

There were several things that were just outright ridiculous. First and foremost was the burning man, who seemed to be able to run several hundred feet, all while his body is being burned to a crisp. I found that just too hard to believe. I don’t think someone so consumed with fire can run that far, especially while weaving and tripping around so many obstacles. Also hard to believe is that no one – NO ONE – at that party ever made a move to help. Sure, the people in the CSI Miami universe are abnormally shallow, but still it seemed incredible.

Also in rare form was the ever-askew Horatio Caine (David Caruso). I laughed out loud when Caine, asks the new ME, Dr. Tara Price (Megalyn Echikunwoke), “What does the position tell you?” Of course, he was asking about the position of the body, but what made the question so funny is that Caine strikes his famous sideways pose just as he asks the question. Dr. Price should have answered, “The position tells me that you like to vamp for the camera!” Also, Caine’s voice seemed quite subdued in this episode, never raising much about a low whisper. But he didn’t fail with his trademark halting delivery of lines, asking party host Paul Sanders (Neil Jackson), “You are…..holding……an accelerant.”


Of course, the evidence is also ridiculously convenient. How is it that there is always – ALWAYS – a bank security camera in rage that has a perfect shot of the crime? How is it that the shots the camera gets can always be enlarged to get the license plate? Wasn’t it also nice that Calleigh just so happened to be in the right place at the right time when the Escalade they were trying to track down turned in front of her just as the BOLO was sent out? But, as fate would have it, there is ALWAYS a car or truck that gets in the way of the chase, and while Calleigh (Emily Procter) can drive at high speeds with one hand on the wheel, she can’t seem to drive around the stopped truck and continue the chase? No, she has to sit and watch it drive a way for a short while to mull over her mistake. And how lucky for the guy driving the Escalade, who manages to get his car on fire AND have it wiped down of fingerprints before Calleigh got there. But, on the flip side, how did Calleigh manage to empty the entire glove compartment but leave the giant fingernail that Wolfe’s (Jonanthan Togo) eagle eyes did not miss?

Of course, while suspects and criminals in the CSI Miami universe always look perfect, they are probably the dumbest in the country. They virtually never ask for a lawyer, and they confess at the slightest question or provocation. I can see it now:

Caine: We.....have some questions....for you.
Suspect: I did it! I murdered (fill in the blank)!

The one bright spot was the new ME, Dr. Tara Price, played by Megalyn Echikunwoke. I think she is a great improvement over ME Alexx Woods (Khandi Alexander), who, in my opinion, had a strange attachment to her victims, often calling them things like “baby boy” or “baby girl” and sometimes almost a too lovingly "handling" their bodies. It just seemed a little icky and unprofessional to me. Dr. Price, on the other hand, seems to be much more professional and a little less cold. I think it was a positive start. And she brought a real smile to Eric's (Adam Rodriguez) face.

But the series continues in its effort to dumb down the storylines, and the forensics. I’m thinking they should rename the show CSI For Dummies, don’t you?


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