Tuesday, January 20, 2009

CSI Miami: “And They’re Offed” Is “Off-Ful”

All images from CBS

Monday’s episode of CSI Miami(CBS) titled “And They’re Offed” brought us a very mindless murder case which seemed less about the murder and more about the CSI Miami team themselves.

In this case, a murder occurs at a racetrack during a horse race. Despite the fact that the victim is in a luxury box that seems to have a huge glass window that appears to be glass on more than one side, no one saw the murder take place. Despite the fact that the murder took place in a crowed racetrack on a floor where it seems only the elite have access, no one saw anyone else come in or leave the room. And no one but a couple on their way to another suite was able to find the body, even though the victim’s bloody face was plastered all over the window. Dr. Price (Megalyn Echikunwoke) notes, "There must be 10,000 people out there," as if we are blind to the crowd. But Horatio Caine (David Caruso) has the perfect answer "And one of them is my killer." Well, considering it took so long for someone to find the body and probably for anyone to get to the crime scene, the killer could have been long gone.

Yes, it was another one of those “CSI for Dummies” cases, where the case is so insipid and ridiculous that it is an embarrassment to the franchise.

Adding to the silliness was the “costume” that Calleigh (Emily Procter) was wearing, which made her look like she should be waiting tables in a posh restaurant, not working a crime scene. Who dresses these people?

Adding to the crime is that it just so happens that Ryan (Jonathan Togo) has an oblique connection. A lost boy seems to find Horatio – who is a like a kid magnet, but adults tend to run from him – and when Horatio helps the boy find his father, Ryan just so happens to be at the man’s house, defending him with his fists against a Russian mobster. Of course, the Russian mobster would rather slit his own throat than suffer the interrogation of Horatio Caine. But they believe the man is affiliated with one of Horatio’s nemeses - Ivan Sarnoff. And Ryan believes that his sponsor, who was to keep him from gambling, has gotten himself involved in gambling and drugs. But, since Ryan’s sponsor told them he couldn’t give the horse the drugs, they simply take his word for it. But, he just so happens to be connected with the Sarnoff because he is in to Sarnoff for a gambling debt and Sarnoff wanted him to fix races for him.

Also at the scene of the murder is a box of what coincidentally happens to be Calleigh’s favorite chocolates – so she knows how she can crack the case. Amazing crime scene work! This comes in to play later on when Eric (Adam Rodriguez) decides to treat Calleigh to a box of those chocolates, leaving them on her desk. But Calleigh is off riding a horse with another man, who they happened to question earlier and who offered Calleigh a ride…on the "horse". Of course, since Calleigh found the man to be very attractive, she was able to eliminate him as being involved in the case almost immediately, just because the guy said he could never hurt a horse.

It turns out that Horatio previously spoke to the murderer without realizing it; they originally caught him trying to grab claim tickets out of the trash. I guess their big dragnet over the racetrack was just a waste of time. But, they were able to catch a poor hapless jockey who admitted to cheating – only this once! – to help her sluggish horse with the race. Yes, the CSIs will root out crime everywhere! Since they can’t get the Russian mobster Sarnoff for the murder of the owner of the horse, they use Ryan’s sponsor to set him up for extortion and race fixing. Despite the fact that Ryan’s sponsor and Sarnoff are in a parking garage all alone, they never hear any footsteps from either Ryan or Horatio, who manage to get right up to them with their guns drawn on Sarnoff. They must float like angels, a few feet off the ground.

At the end of the show, someone is watching all of Horatio’s team, and with Sarnoff’s threats, I assume we are supposed to think he or his people are behind it. It’s a lame attempt at drama. And poor Eric is being set up to have his heart broken by Calleigh, who is seemingly smitten by a man and his “horse.” Predictable.

“And They’re Offed” is simply awful. I wouldn’t bet on it to win, place, or show.

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Sara said...

I love your reviews. I have often wondered who handles the wardrobe for this show. Caruso is always dressed in dark colors which are not terribly flattering on him. He has always looked better in lighter colors. And when was the last time you were in Miami and saw anyone in dark clothes? As for Emily Proctor's attire, agreed, much more appropriate for a waitress.

Vixen said...

Another lame episode of a lame show. Will it ever get better?