Friday, August 8, 2008

The “I Like To Watch TV” Olympics

No, these aren't the Olympic rings!

No, this is not about the 2008 Beijing Olympics, which opened today, on 08-08-08. I mean my own Olympics, based popular TV shows. Here are some of the events that you won’t want to miss:

CSI Miami
The CSI Miami Scream: Participants much watch five episodes of CSI Miami and scream after every line that they think David Caruso gives that is scream-worthy. Unfortunately, there has never been a winner since all participants seem to be screaming the entire episode.

Horatio Caine Sunglasses Maneuvers: This competition is artistic, with participants vying to display the most flamboyant method of putting on, and taking off, one’s sunglasses.

Park the Hummer: Competitors must park a Hummer in a parking garage in a space fit for a compact car, without going over any of the parking space lines. Both skill and speed are measured.

Law & Order Franchise
The Doink Doink Challenge: Participants are given their choice of 5 household items, three musical instruments, 100 sound effects of their choice, and a recording studio, to attempt to recreate the Law & Order sound. The one who comes closest to the sound, wins. This competition started 3 years ago and no one has come close yet.

The Sam Waterston Eyebrow Lift: Thick, heavy eyebrows are placed on the competitors, and they are rated on how fast they can raise their eyebrows and yell “Your honor!” or “Objection!” within a set period of time.

The Ham Sandwich Sprint: Competitors are given a ham sandwich, the first one to indict one, wins. Note: The Ham sandwich must have meat in it.

The Elisabeth Rohm Scavenger Hunt: Viewers in this event much watch every Law & Order episode starring Elisabeth Rohm, and the one who finds the most scenes where Elisabeth actually can act, wins. Unfortunately, this competition goes on every year and no one has been able to find anything yet.

The Vincent D’Onofrio Scenery Chewing Competition: Participants star in an episode of Law & Order Criminal Intent, playing Robert Goren. The person who overacts the most, wins.

Other Shows
The Greg House Cane Run: Competitors run one mile with one leg up and tied behind them, and use a cane for support. The cane is partially sawed through. Speed is measured. If the cane breaks before the finish line is reached, the competitor is disqualified.

The Weather Channel Forecast Competition: Participants must pick the exact date, time, and place a hurricane, which is still forming in the Atlantic Ocean, will hit the United States. Those who predict incorrectly are forced to pay for the clean up of whatever area the hurricane did hit.

The Medical Examiner Exam: Medical examiners from shows like CSI, Law & Order, NCIS, etc. have to examine bodies while the bodies are in black body bags, and determine cause of death. CTs and X-Ray machines can’t be used. Competitors are measured on the number of bodies that can correctly diagnose within a set time period.

The Business Channel Stock Market Plunge: Talking heads from CNBC, Fox Business, and Bloomberg invest $500,000 of their own money in 10 stocks for one week. Any participants that made money win, those that lost anything must jump off the Empire State Building, with no parachute or net.

The NCIS Juvenile and Sexist Remark Relay: Competitors are given 10 lines of normal, harmless dialog and must come up with a juvenile or sexist comeback for each one. The one with the most and best comebacks is immediately sent back to grade school to grow up.

The National News Headline Challenge: Network news anchors fist-fight over the top story of the day. The winner gets to cover the story on their national newscast. The losers are forced to take jobs in small cities and are never heard from again.

The Morning Show Wake Up Call: Hosts of national network morning shows are forced to interview someone who only gives one word responses. The person who is able to get the most responses in five minutes from the interviewee that isn’t “yes”, “no”, or “absolutely.” wins.

Have fun with the competition, and good luck!

Check out my blog home page for the latest information, here.

No comments: